¦SINGLE? ¦¦DIVORCED?¦¦SEPARATED?¦

Nearly 40% of the adult population is now either single, divorced or bereaved - and single adults can sometimes feel lonely, isolated, even a failure. Couples can act as if divorce is contagious, the invitations to parties and dinners cease and the social life dries up.

Even relatives and good friends are often guilty of implying that you will not be a 'complete' person again until you are back in a relationship. Yet anyone who has undergone the stress of recovering from relationship breakdown or bereavement will know that it takes time to sort out the mess from what has gone before.

When you first come out of a relationship it is a good idea to concentrate on doing things for "you" - so it is important to keep busy and plan ahead. For a start, it's important to get out - it's only in TV commercials that dishy folk come in the front door asking to borrow some coffee!

Take some active steps towards rebuilding your social life. The Singles Dining Club is a great way to meet new people. Our aim is simple: to help people get more out of life. We provide them with moral support and friendship, information, and contacts. Of course, joining the Singles Dining Club doesn't guarantee to make you happy any more than joining a gym guarantees to make you fit - it all depends how much each individual is prepared to put into it.

However we believe that the key to your future happiness lies in self-fulfilment, not in simply finding a partner. We think it is important for you to find ways to take control of your life, face up to problem issues, do things that give you pleasure, and build up a solid base of friends.

Although finding a wonderful new partner can make a major contribution to your future happiness, in our experience the chances of a relationship lasting in the long term are greatly improved if the other key elements are in place first. It also seems to be the case that the happier you are in yourself, the more 'attractive' you appear to others.

Although the Singles Dining Club is NOT a dating service, plenty of our members have found romance - often it seems easier to strike up a close relationship with someone by starting off as friends. If you meet someone you like, you can socialise with them first before deciding to go out on a date.

The Singles Dining Club has prepared the following information page to help you make a new start in life.

This advice and covers social, personal, financial and legal and commercial issues.

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Groups and Counsellors

British Association for Counselling

1 Regent Place, Rugby, Warwickshire CV21 2PJ. 01788 578328. For a comprehensive list of accredited counsellors in your area and a free fact sheet about counselling, send a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

Catholic Marriage Advisory Council (London Centre)

46 Notting Hill Gate, London W11, 0207 243 1898. Counselling for marital breakdown nationwide. Contact them to ask for your nearest branch.

Family Mediators Association

1 Wyvil Court, Wyvil Road, London SW8 2TG. 0207 720 3336. Comprehensive mediation, including finances as well as arrangements for the children.

National Family Mediation

9 Tavistock Place, London WC1H 9SN. 0207 383 5993. 60 centres nationwide providing help and mediation over arrangements for the children. Charge on a sliding scale according to ability to pay.

Relate

National Office: Herbert Gray College, Little Church Street, Rugby, Warwickshire CV21 3AP. Offers counselling service for all relationship problems and a self-help video entitled "Divorce".

The Samaritans

If you are in emotional crisis and do not have anyone you can speak to, do not hesitate to pick up the telephone for immediate help. The Samaritans offer a sympathetic 'listening ear', helping to ease some of the pain and confusion and to deal with your situation. Look up your local number in the telephone book.

Solicitors Family Law Association

PO Box 302, Orpington, Kent BR6 8QX. All the family lawyers who are members follow a code of practice requiring them to deal with matters in a sensitive, constructive and cost-efficient way. If you send an SAE they will send you a list of members in your area and, on request, a free leaflet on divorce procedure.

Springboard

PO Box 69, Stroud, Glos GL5 5EE. 01483 874540. Women's personal development programme, including assertiveness training, at centres around the country.

Westminster Pastoral Foundation

23 Kensington Square, London W8 5NH. 0207 937 6956. Counselling and psychotherapy for individuals, groups and families on a sliding payment scale. Centres around the country.

Useful Publications

Children in the Middle: Living through Divorce by A Mitchell. Tavistock.

Families and How to Survive Them by J Cleese & ACR Skynner. Methuen.

Getting the Best Out of the Rest of Your Life by Jean Shapiro. Thorsons. For older women.

Marriage Inside Out by C Clulow & J Mattison. Pelican.

On Your Own: A Practical Guide to Independent Living by Jean Shapiro. Pandora Press. For older women.

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Financial

Benefits Agency

350 Eastern Avenue, Ilford, Essex. IG2 6NN. 0800 666555.

Department of Social Security.

Richmond House, Whitehall, London SW1A 2NS. 0207 210 3000.

Family Mediators Association.

PO Box 2028, Hove, East Sussex BN3 3HU. 01273 747750. For comprehensive mediation over finances and children.

Independent Financial Advice Promotion (IFAP).

4th Floor, 28 Greville Street, London EC1N 8SU. Will provide a list of 3 independent financial advisors in your area.

Money Advice Centre.

6 Long Park Drive, Woolwell, Plymouth PL6 7QE. 01752 674067.

National Association for Widows.

54-57 Alison Street, Digbeth, Birmingham B5 5TH. 0121 643 8348.

National Debtline.

318 Summer Lane, Birmingham B19 3RL. 0121 359 8501.

Occupational Pensions Advisory Service.

11 Belgrave Road, London SW1V 1RB. 0207 233 8080.

Pensions Ombudsman.

Same address as above. 0207 834 9144.

Personal Investment Authority (PIA).

1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5AZ. 0207 538 8860.

Solicitors' Complaints Bureau

Victoria Court, 8 Dormer Place, Leamington Spa, Warks CV32 5AE. 01926 820082.

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One Parent Families

Association For Shared Parenting

28 Garraways, Wooton Bassett, Swindon SN4 8LL. 01793 851544. Actively supports estranged parents in playing a role in the care and upbringing of their children.

The Family Nurturing Network.

Unit 12F, Minns Estate, 7 West Way, Botley, Oxford OX2 0JD. 01865 922442. Runs courses for families to help them get on better.

Gingerbread.

16-17 Clerkenwell Close, London EC1R 0AA. 0207 336 8183. Advice line 0207 336 8184. Support, advice and opportunities for lone parents.

Homestart.

2 Salisbury Road, Leicester LE1 7QR. A voluntary organisation offering support, friendship and practical help to young families in the home.

National Council for One Parent Families.

255 Kentish Town Road, London NW5 2LX. 0207 267 1361. Advice and support for lone parents on a range of issues including housing and financial matters.

One Parent Families Association.

Old Municipal Building, Corporation Street, Taunton, Somerset TA1 4AQ. 01823 327112. Advice on legal and financial matters relating to divorce and single parenting.

Parents at Work.

77 Holloway Road, London N7 8JZ. 0207 700 5771. For working parents and their children - practical information on childcare and employment issues.

Women Returners Network.

8 John Adam Street, London WC2N 6EZ. 0207 839 8188. Education and training for women who wish to return to work.

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